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Messages - thingmagic

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All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: April 16, 2018, 10:04:15 pm »
huh .... I thought you already moved on? ??? you still with her meh? ???

anyway for what it is worth,  if you want to understand her better by knowing her past by repeatedly questioning her motive and her logic, you'll not get anywhere by beating a dead-horse.  what is important is to focus on what lies ahead ....

as I have said before,  focus on what you are in control of.  not on the past.  you'll never get to your destination driving through the rear-view mirror.
Not with her anymore. Don't feel like being with her anymore, but at the same time I still have a lot of residual anger. Recently I realized that prt of the reason I am so angry is that she had been emotionally cheating on me even though she broke of with married man to be with me. Also she told him a lot more stuff than she told me. Eg. married man said in his letter that she had 5 physical relationships with men before married man, that means six men before me. But when I asked her once, she said she only had three. I asked her a few times are you sure? are you sure. she keep saying three. Then I brought out the letter and said, what about the french guy ? what about this guy, and that guy? Then she start crying and said 'That piece of ShT, why he go and tell you'. I was so angry I yell at her 'WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME BUT YOU CAN TELL THE MARRIED MAN? YOU TRUST ME LESS THAN MARRIED MAN IS IT? YOU WANT TO GET AWAY WITH LYING AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO ME, RIGHT? WITH ME YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO BE OPEN WITH ME, BUT WHEN YOU ARE WITH MARRIED MAN, SIMI ANYTHING ALSO CAN TELL HIM. THEN AFTER THAT SEND NAKED PHOTO TO HIM SOME MORE. I ASK YOU FOR ONE STUPID SEXY PHOTO YOU ONLY SENT ME ONCE. YOU GO SEND HIM PICTURE OF NAKED BUTT AND BOOBS EVERY DAY BUT YOU NEVER SEND ME ANYTHING.'

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: April 16, 2018, 01:27:58 pm »
And usually people,  especially women will blame xiao-san and not the man who strayed.

Women are their own worst enemies ....

Economic reasons and Asian society. The 原配needs the economic support of the Hubby so she will try to cling on to the Hubby and get as much money . Society treats divorced women much worse than divorced men. That's the hard truth of Asian society. If hubby run away to be with xiaosan, the original wife will be stuck with a child. Alimony enforcement etc will be a problem later on if the hubby cheater decide to be deadbeat dad.

All these things I tried to explain to my ex gf at the time. I wanted her to express to me whether she TRULY knew what kind of pain she was inflicting on the wife and child . I asked her whether it was fair that she can just cut off ties with the married man and wash her hands of the whole matter, then have a relationship from clean slate, but the married man and his wife and his kid  have to deal with a broken marriage.
But when I did that, she just clammed up and sulked. Refused to look at me even. She cried and cried after that.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: April 16, 2018, 11:59:07 am »
i think being the other woman is really quite common in singapore.
no one wants to be the mistress, to be the third party, to be the one that breaks the marriage.

most people will sympathise the wife. sympathise the children, the kids.

being the mistress, or rather, the other woman, is not something woman choose.
its emotionally painful.

A few times I asked my ex directly what she thought about the wife and kids of that married guy. Ask if the guy's kid was cute? I asked if she will like it if one day she found her own brother or father have an affair . I also asked her why that guy can have two women but I cannot ? What if next time we get married and she get pregnant, can I go and have affair too? Why her brother cannot have two women? Why her father cannot have two women?
My GF got angry and just sulked for the whole day, sobbing and refused to talk to me.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: March 08, 2018, 01:02:11 pm »
How will it manifest if ur next gf has no dark history?

Maybe not as dark.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: March 05, 2018, 04:45:59 pm »
Hello people.
Been doing self-reflecting and community service for last few months.
Searching online , I happened on a lot of disturbing information about what's wrong with me.
There's terms like 'retroactive jealousy', 'Othello syndrome', and 'Madonna-Whore complex' that can apply to me.
Some suggested I go for more therapy after I explain what happened between me n my gf , cos they said what I have is fundamentally part of me, and I need to address it . Even if my next gf has no dark history, my personality will manifest iin other ways.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 25, 2018, 07:36:04 pm »
ermmm .... depends on your target demographics bah?  18 - 25 yrs?  25 - 30 yrs?

I prefer MILFs and LKBs which is like kinda old for you.  you might get "killed" by them instead.

Ummm 30-35? any ideas where to hang?

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 25, 2018, 11:37:44 am »
OK which clubs are good hunting grounds?

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 22, 2018, 12:38:41 pm »
Got a hit on Should I go ? Not super pretty like my ex gf, but decent, just a bit chubby.
Too early for dating? Treat this as casual?

Which other dating platforms should I use?

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 18, 2018, 10:46:29 am »
No nd to tell le, appear with new one by cny better. hehehe

Rebound relationships are not good. You tend to jump in blindly and the fear of being alone will make you cling to really unsuitable types .

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 17, 2018, 03:00:41 pm »
yup .... acceptance is key ..... compromise always comes back to bite you in the a$$

forest is very big bro' ..... gambatte !

now what do I tell my parents... I think I will have to tell them the truth, she slept with married man in the past, I tried to forgive her, but I cannot accept it in the end. What she tells her own parents is her own problem. Probably try to paint me black, say I cheated on her or some thing.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 17, 2018, 10:06:15 am »
OK update. She told me adios , and I said same to you. Its a relief, to be honest. Sad a bit, but in the end I realized my negative emotions are always gonna be there and I shouldn't kid myself or try fancy therapy .
Either accept it or not.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:46:07 pm »
What's with the deadlines? ???  CNY so important? ???

Does your galfren like drama? ??? Some do and some don't but you'd know better

Booked ticket to go to her hometown, and she booked one to go to mine for CNY. Families are expecting us. So if anything happen, rather prepare them in advance. Although I can't give the REAL reason for not being together.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 07:44:32 pm »
I drafted this. Gonna send it out to her in 10 days if I keep getting silent treatment.

Dear J
Things have been rocky and stressful, yes. Now after some time out , I hope both of us have had a breather and managed to look at our relationship with a clearer perspective.
I know I have been boorish, weird  and moody at times since receiving that bombshell of a letter, causing you much much distress. I was so in love with you  and still am. Early on after receiving the letter and those pictures  from that guy , I was so cocksure that I would be the better man and the one to help you redeem herself and build a positive, lasting loving relationship. However, try as i might to resist it….  I started acting weird after a short while, unable to suppress my inner insecurities and jealous pangs at times.  I am ashamed and there is no excusing my behaviour. I have lashed out in jealousy and acted out my insecurities… I have  made shitty, unkind comments and displayed inexcusable behaviour. At night, my sleep was  interrupted by irrational fear and jealousy for a while.  Although you has been forgiving thus far despite being treated so badly  by me,  I realize this is not good. I have tried so hard, so hard  to be a sweet, loving boyfriend and I only want to be ever sweet and loving to you… so I realized I must deal with my emotion and insecurity issues head on. And so I have tried to talk out my problems and resolve my sleep issues with a professional counsellor. You may find it odd, and I kind of regret telling you I had been to see one. With  the counsellor’s advice, mediation tips, thought exercises etc  I have  improved  myself and become calmer  over the last two weeks  and gotten rid of the negative, inexcusable emotions on my part. I should have done this earlier, before I really began to act out.
1.Now , I do miss you a lot every day, all the fun times we had at the movies, cycling, the conversations about music, shopping together, cooking together, being with your relatives, talking about  food etc.  I miss all the times I kissed you and hugged you close, and the way you touched my face and ears. I miss your laugh and your smiles. The way I massage your feet. The way we made love.   We had something special, I can feel it. I think we still have something special.   I don’t want all this negativeness to spoil it.  I  wish to patch things up and continue the relationship on a better note . I am confident you will get the better version of me after two weeks of self-improvement … I will wholeheartedly give you all  the parts of me that made you want to be with me.. I hope you can forgive my past mistakes and take me back, please and make me the happiest man in the world again.
 If you want a longer timeout least let me know whether you would be willing to meet me and my family for  CNY. So I can prepare them for the news.
2. However, if you think that the relationship has already been irreparably harmed ,let me know clearly. I will be crushed and very sad, but I will take it like a man.  I won’t cling. I won’t grovel. I did wrong because I couldn’t withstand the mental stress of that letter and got  emotional and acted weird. I lost control and  squandered this chance to be with a beautiful, loving girl with a great personality who adored me with all her heart…. All this heartache due to my inability to rein in my negative emotions then  .  I  regret it and I accept full responsibility for  the consequences of that. Give me a ‘quick death’ rather than leaving me in the  limbo of silent treatment and  indefinite time-out.  If you don’t want to be with me any longer, let me know on no uncertain terms quickly and without any sugar-coating. It will cause great pain to both of us, but we should get over it. A quick death is better than prolonged suffering.  Do this  so that I may grieve for a while and then get on with my life ASAP.   


All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 12:21:09 am »
My birthday now. Just past midnight. My girl just messaged me.
'Happy birthday baby. I am well, at peace'.
Sounds ominous.

All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 12, 2018, 09:06:34 pm »
Actually is feel like break up but say time out because if break up need some time to adapt n gradually not tgt anymore. N oso not sure whether is on a moment of impulse so say "time out" lo.

I feel need to break cleanly and honestly if that is the intention at the start. Otherwise will be in a limbo....uncertain. At least with clean break, can grieve early and then move on.

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