Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - thingmagic

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 »
1
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 22, 2018, 12:38:41 pm »
Got a hit on Match.com. Should I go ? Not super pretty like my ex gf, but decent, just a bit chubby.
Too early for dating? Treat this as casual?
Sigh........

Which other dating platforms should I use?

2
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 18, 2018, 10:46:29 am »
No nd to tell le, appear with new one by cny better. hehehe

Rebound relationships are not good. You tend to jump in blindly and the fear of being alone will make you cling to really unsuitable types .

3
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 17, 2018, 03:00:41 pm »
yup .... acceptance is key ..... compromise always comes back to bite you in the a$$

forest is very big bro' ..... gambatte !

now what do I tell my parents... I think I will have to tell them the truth, she slept with married man in the past, I tried to forgive her, but I cannot accept it in the end. What she tells her own parents is her own problem. Probably try to paint me black, say I cheated on her or some thing.

4
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 17, 2018, 10:06:15 am »
OK update. She told me adios , and I said same to you. Its a relief, to be honest. Sad a bit, but in the end I realized my negative emotions are always gonna be there and I shouldn't kid myself or try fancy therapy .
Either accept it or not.

5
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 09:46:07 pm »
What's with the deadlines? ???  CNY so important? ???

Does your galfren like drama? ??? Some do and some don't but you'd know better

Booked ticket to go to her hometown, and she booked one to go to mine for CNY. Families are expecting us. So if anything happen, rather prepare them in advance. Although I can't give the REAL reason for not being together.

6
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 07:44:32 pm »
I drafted this. Gonna send it out to her in 10 days if I keep getting silent treatment.

Dear J
Things have been rocky and stressful, yes. Now after some time out , I hope both of us have had a breather and managed to look at our relationship with a clearer perspective.
I know I have been boorish, weird  and moody at times since receiving that bombshell of a letter, causing you much much distress. I was so in love with you  and still am. Early on after receiving the letter and those pictures  from that guy , I was so cocksure that I would be the better man and the one to help you redeem herself and build a positive, lasting loving relationship. However, try as i might to resist it….  I started acting weird after a short while, unable to suppress my inner insecurities and jealous pangs at times.  I am ashamed and there is no excusing my behaviour. I have lashed out in jealousy and acted out my insecurities… I have  made shitty, unkind comments and displayed inexcusable behaviour. At night, my sleep was  interrupted by irrational fear and jealousy for a while.  Although you has been forgiving thus far despite being treated so badly  by me,  I realize this is not good. I have tried so hard, so hard  to be a sweet, loving boyfriend and I only want to be ever sweet and loving to you… so I realized I must deal with my emotion and insecurity issues head on. And so I have tried to talk out my problems and resolve my sleep issues with a professional counsellor. You may find it odd, and I kind of regret telling you I had been to see one. With  the counsellor’s advice, mediation tips, thought exercises etc  I have  improved  myself and become calmer  over the last two weeks  and gotten rid of the negative, inexcusable emotions on my part. I should have done this earlier, before I really began to act out.
1.Now , I do miss you a lot every day, all the fun times we had at the movies, cycling, the conversations about music, shopping together, cooking together, being with your relatives, talking about  food etc.  I miss all the times I kissed you and hugged you close, and the way you touched my face and ears. I miss your laugh and your smiles. The way I massage your feet. The way we made love.   We had something special, I can feel it. I think we still have something special.   I don’t want all this negativeness to spoil it.  I  wish to patch things up and continue the relationship on a better note . I am confident you will get the better version of me after two weeks of self-improvement … I will wholeheartedly give you all  the parts of me that made you want to be with me.. I hope you can forgive my past mistakes and take me back, please and make me the happiest man in the world again.
 If you want a longer timeout least let me know whether you would be willing to meet me and my family for  CNY. So I can prepare them for the news.
2. However, if you think that the relationship has already been irreparably harmed ,let me know clearly. I will be crushed and very sad, but I will take it like a man.  I won’t cling. I won’t grovel. I did wrong because I couldn’t withstand the mental stress of that letter and got  emotional and acted weird. I lost control and  squandered this chance to be with a beautiful, loving girl with a great personality who adored me with all her heart…. All this heartache due to my inability to rein in my negative emotions then  .  I  regret it and I accept full responsibility for  the consequences of that. Give me a ‘quick death’ rather than leaving me in the  limbo of silent treatment and  indefinite time-out.  If you don’t want to be with me any longer, let me know on no uncertain terms quickly and without any sugar-coating. It will cause great pain to both of us, but we should get over it. A quick death is better than prolonged suffering.  Do this  so that I may grieve for a while and then get on with my life ASAP.   

Thingmagic

7
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 13, 2018, 12:21:09 am »
My birthday now. Just past midnight. My girl just messaged me.
'Happy birthday baby. I am well, at peace'.
Sounds ominous.

8
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 12, 2018, 09:06:34 pm »
Actually is feel like break up but say time out because if break up need some time to adapt n gradually not tgt anymore. N oso not sure whether is on a moment of impulse so say "time out" lo.

I feel need to break cleanly and honestly if that is the intention at the start. Otherwise will be in a limbo....uncertain. At least with clean break, can grieve early and then move on.

9
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 12, 2018, 07:37:11 pm »
He proposed a few solutions which can work and told me he disregarded my feelings previously n promise won't do it again. I didn't believe so he did some art and drew and wrote a letter of promise on paper and signed on it. And ask Me to keep it somewhere I won't lose it. We also custom made a chop of approval where we used until I eventually forgot abt the matter lol.

During the 1 month he did contacted me but didn't rush me. Every few days he will paste me some picture/memories of the past.

Soooo what happen after 1 month? Were u intending to break up w him all along or were you genuinely wanting a time out?

10
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 12, 2018, 12:55:08 pm »
don't believe there is ever a protocol or guidebook on this.  otherwise we wouldn't have relationship problems the world over. 

but if you are asking my humble opinion,
if you contact her first then the balance of power will tilt surely towards her.

in any case,  it is good to let her clear her mind.  let her figure out what she wants.

I also hope that your last conversation with her before calling for a time-out went something like this:
-  hey baby,  I know you're having a tough time with my insecurities
-  i'm sure you are also struggling as to whether to continue this relationship so let's take a time-out to assess and clear our thoughts
-  know that I will always be there for you so reach out if you need any comforting moments,  i'm still a friend. you know that right?

always leave the door open but don't come across as desperate. play cool.
women are very fan jian one - flowerpodders taught me this well,  so there's much to be said about learning from women on how to win her heart.  gambatte !

no la. last conversation with her was
Me: I saw a counsellor because I have insecurity issues that I need to deal with, so I can be a better man for you.
Her: I HATE those emotional, mooody awkward moments with you, which is v often. I'm sick, stressed at work and now I have to deal with this. I want time out.  Let me be. i wld rather be single. N don't come to my condo unannounced!
Her: I don't blame you for seeing a counsellor though I find it odd
Her: I switched off my hp bcos I wanted peace, and work is busy.
Me: If you want a time out that is totally understandable. I contact you in a couple of weeks or so to see how you are doing, ok?
Her: Let me be.

So she didn't say whether she agree to be contacted. Looks like it's over. I think I call her next week and demand a definitive resolution. What do you guys think?

11
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 12, 2018, 10:55:51 am »
yupz ..... as vanillaicecream used to say - "never make someone your priority if he/she doesn't consider you a priority"

So what are the rules of a timeout? She never agreed to be contacted after 2 wks.. Just said 'I want timeout, I'm stressed, I'm sick . I would rather be single'

Looks like it's over , no? I will contact after 1 wk to find out for sure.

12
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 10, 2018, 08:21:31 am »
yup .... I think the timeout will be good for both ..... maybe more clarity and less cloudy in thoughts.

may the force be with you ....
Thanks. Now to occupy my mind with other projects. And look for blind dates.... just in case

13
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 09, 2018, 09:38:31 am »
Narcissistic personality ba
https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

I suppose a little of that. The thing is , I never acted like this before. Not since I was 10 years old. That time I was a bit of a brat, with those narcissist traits.
But never since then, until now..... sheeeit.
Hopefully this timeout resolves issues, one way or another.

14
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 08, 2018, 06:41:57 pm »
the purpose and intent is very important .... obviously you know it hurts her ....

so the way you put it across may have come across as "s1ut-shaming" ....

but still communication is important ....

learn to fight a good fight if you must.

OK Update. I told her about the relationship counsellor and she said she hated the times I acted emotional , said she really hated it and was stressed out  so she asked for a time out. I said I respect that and I will contact her again in 2 wks .
Big step forward, kind of regret it now, but I feel it had to be done, rather than let my emotional issues fester uncomfortabley.

15
All About Love / Re: Being the other woman
« on: January 08, 2018, 03:28:14 pm »
like what sharshar says - are you the sort of character - 大男子主义?  that might make it difficult to communicate your inner thoughts with her.  that would be preferred before trying any intervention like counselling etc etc

time for you to lay bare your soul to her bro' .... tell her what is eating you up inside ....

I had thought about that, but she not very communicative when I do that. She just clams up and looks away from me as a defense mechanism. I can see a tear rolling down her cheek when I do that. It is very shameful and stressful for her......

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 »