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jessuptime

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A Singapore Teen Mum’s Story

When kids ask Caden who his father is, he blurts the name of the first father figure which comes to mind. Often, they are his grandpas or uncles who have filled the shoes of his biological dad since he was born.

But to Caden, a complete family is bounded by love, not by blood. He says ‘dad’ is a person who “protects and cares” because the 10-year-old was brought up to do so for others.

In his traditional Chinese home, he cooks ‘typical grandma’ porridge when his mother falls ill, saves pocket money to buy sweets for his 6-year-old brother, Caius, and kisses goodbye to his 8-month-old baby sister, Alessa, before he leaves for school.

When Caden tells me he wants to be a policeman, I ask, “What if someone hurts your mummy?”

“I will take katana chop them!” he assures with a grim face, then laughs and kick-scoots away with Caius, as Alessa eyeballs them silently.

I then watch them spend the next few minutes harassing their mother, Joyce, with incessant questions while I relish every ounce of singlehood.

With no sign of weariness, she entertains their banter about Youtube followers for 10 minutes and nags at them to remain silent on set for the next 20.

“Being a young mum is good because you have the energy to entertain them,” she jokes.

But for the 30-year-old mother of three who has soldiered on through abusive relationships, staying upbeat is a matter of will, not luck.

As an old friend of hers, I’ve seen her pick herself up time after time again. And by sharing her story, she hopes other young mums may draw strength from their struggles.




Discovering her pregnancy


Joyce: My first taste of motherhood was bitter. I was 18 and studying in a polytechnic when I discovered I was pregnant. Due to my irregular periods and lack of symptoms, I only took a pregnancy test at the four-month mark.

The kit showed a faint ‘positive’ line, so I went to the gynaecologist with one of my girlfriends to confirm the baby. I remember her crying in the car park while I remained calm, yet scared.

How could I afford milk powder and school fees? How could I party like normal 18-year-olds do? What would people think? I was still a child myself.

But when I heard Caden’s heartbeat, I knew abortion was not an option. Not even when I texted my ex-boyfriend (Caden’s father), “Hey I’m pregnant” and he replied, “My mum ask you to abort the baby”.

More at https://www.domainofexperts.com/2018/05/singapore-teen-mums-raising-3-kids-who.html

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beaverjuice

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2018, 04:57:41 pm »
You don't solve a problem by doing more of the same ... as my ex-boss used to say
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2018, 05:53:18 pm »
Ppl usually find partners who behave like their parents.....

by subconscious mind, she would always choose the same type of partner...

https://www.google.com.sg/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201405/why-your-partner-may-be-your-parent%3famp
« Last Edit: May 15, 2018, 06:04:14 pm by happyshar »
没有心,就不会痛 😉

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beaverjuice

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2018, 06:05:17 pm »
Ppl usually find partners who behave like their parents.....

by subconscious mind, she would always choose the same type of partner...

https://www.google.com.sg/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201405/why-your-partner-may-be-your-parent%3famp

You mean she is broken? ???
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."


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happyshar

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2018, 06:12:09 pm »
You mean she is broken? ???

I think most people would choose partners who are like their parents ba, somewhat...
Whether they are broken depends on how their parents are like ... hmmm ....  :-\
没有心,就不会痛 😉

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beaverjuice

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2018, 06:32:38 pm »
I think most people would choose partners who are like their parents ba, somewhat...
Whether they are broken depends on how their parents are like ... hmmm ....  :-\

Broken families begat broken families? ???

My thesis is that one must learn from one's mistake.  Not do the same thing and expect a different outcome ......

Heaven forbid to hold such a one as a role model for mothers no less ...
« Last Edit: May 15, 2018, 06:35:53 pm by beaverjuice »
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2018, 06:39:33 pm »
Broken families begat broken families? ???

You don't choose your spouse based on how your parents are like meh?
I think somewhat in the consideration factor Le...

That's y nd to be consistently attuned if want to have kids so that the kids have higher chance to find a better life partner...
没有心,就不会痛 😉

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happyshar

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2018, 06:41:57 pm »

My thesis is that one must learn from one's mistake.  Not do the same thing and expect a different outcome ......

Heaven forbid to hold such a one as a role model for mothers no less ...

Definitely
没有心,就不会痛 😉

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Lee McKing

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2018, 01:02:38 am »
Ppl usually find partners who behave like their parents.....

by subconscious mind, she would always choose the same type of partner...

https://www.google.com.sg/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201405/why-your-partner-may-be-your-parent%3famp

In a way but the explanation is simpler...

We are brought up in a family unit and whatever happens in the unit, our unconscious mind will learn and think it's normal. then replicate when we are adults.

so children in single parent families, their unconscious mind thinks its normal and thus recreate single parent families

abusive to abusive

etc

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happyshar

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Re: Singapore Teen Mums: Raising 3 Kids Who Have Different Fathers
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2018, 04:28:23 pm »
In a way but the explanation is simpler...

We are brought up in a family unit and whatever happens in the unit, our unconscious mind will learn and think it's normal. then replicate when we are adults.

so children in single parent families, their unconscious mind thinks its normal and thus recreate single parent families

abusive to abusive

etc

Yeah ppl like to be on familiar ground.
没有心,就不会痛 😉