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Basically

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Need some advice on interracial relationships
« on: December 20, 2015, 04:10:38 pm »
Hi guys, it's my first time posting on petalbytes. Been lurking around this forum for about a month now. I'm a chinese male, currently dating a malay / muslim girl. I'm not here to spark racism debate, I love her very much. Any bro or sis have similar experience on interracial relationship / marriage etc can shed some light on it. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm ready to convert to muslim in near future but even if I do, my parents are definitely going to be very mad or in worse case disown me as a son. Her parents would want me to convert if I'm going to marry her. I have no problem removing pork / alcohol from my food menu but religion issue is a pain in the ass.

All comments are welcomed!

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pikafunk

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2015, 04:30:11 pm »
Hi guys, it's my first time posting on petalbytes. Been lurking around this forum for about a month now. I'm a chinese male, currently dating a malay / muslim girl. I'm not here to spark racism debate, I love her very much. Any bro or sis have similar experience on interracial relationship / marriage etc can shed some light on it. To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm ready to convert to muslim in near future but even if I do, my parents are definitely going to be very mad or in worse case disown me as a son. Her parents would want me to convert if I'm going to marry her. I have no problem removing pork / alcohol from my food menu but religion issue is a pain in the ass.

All comments are welcomed!

from what i understand, there are many families that require the man to adopt the same religion, and adopt a Muslim name as well.

and yes, the man's family will be upset in many situations.

you must think about this: adopting a religion just so you can marry someone, rather than truly believing in it, is this true religion?

if you believe you can do all that, then the final decision is yours.

if not, then its better not to waste any more time, or cause more emotional hurt as you sink deeper.

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FatNeko

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2015, 04:39:04 pm »
I don't think there is any exception on girl convert to non-muslim (the last case I know, people are trying to hunt her down) or guy not converting to muslim, they are very strict about this. If you are not ready to convert in near future, then what will make you convert in future? Even if you are ready, there are also other factors like your parents ect ect...

Btw how long have you been in this r/s? Or rather, how is the health of this r/s? I mean, if you are still 19yrs old and just fall in love, then pls don't bother about thinking so far.

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nomnom

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2015, 05:01:06 pm »
You guys can still marry under the civil law, civil marriage i mean.
Its just that you guys won't be "blessed" by her family etc...
Parents will never win their kids. Even if you guys marry and u dun convert, with time, their family will still acknowledge you deh... thats how i feel...
Convert only when you believe in the religion. If suay suay one day, you guys decide to divorce, will you forsake the religion?
At the end of the day, it really depends on how heck care you guys are? My malay frens told me if you guys dun really care abt you not converting, others can't do anything to you guys.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2015, 05:04:03 pm by nomnom »


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FatNeko

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2015, 05:03:25 pm »
You guys can still marry under the civil law, civil marriage i mean.
Its just that you guys won't be "blessed" by her family etc...
Parents will never win their kids. Even if you guys marry and u dun convert, with time, their family will still acknowledge you deh... thats how i feel...
Convert only when you believe in the religion. If suay suay one day, you guys decide to divorce, will you forsake the religion?

Cannot liao....he will be hunted....  :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

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nomnom

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2015, 05:04:53 pm »
Cannot liao....he will be hunted....  :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

No lah. He won't be hunted lah... coz this is Sg leh...

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nomnom

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FatNeko

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2015, 05:18:03 pm »
No lah. He won't be hunted lah... coz this is Sg leh...

 :-X :-X :-X

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Basically

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2015, 05:40:39 pm »
from what i understand, there are many families that require the man to adopt the same religion, and adopt a Muslim name as well.

and yes, the man's family will be upset in many situations.

you must think about this: adopting a religion just so you can marry someone, rather than truly believing in it, is this true religion?

if you believe you can do all that, then the final decision is yours.

if not, then its better not to waste any more time, or cause more emotional hurt as you sink deeper.

Frankly speaking, I don't really have the kind of devotion for a religion. I'm born / brought up in a christian family, but I'm actually an atheist. But to convert to muslim in order to be with the person I'm in love with, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. EG Attending prayers every Friday / Fast during ramadan etc. This world is unfair isn't it.

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Basically

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2015, 05:45:35 pm »
I don't think there is any exception on girl convert to non-muslim (the last case I know, people are trying to hunt her down) or guy not converting to muslim, they are very strict about this. If you are not ready to convert in near future, then what will make you convert in future? Even if you are ready, there are also other factors like your parents ect ect...

Btw how long have you been in this r/s? Or rather, how is the health of this r/s? I mean, if you are still 19yrs old and just fall in love, then pls don't bother about thinking so far.

We're both in our mid twenties and been together for nearly 3 years now. I actually never thought of marriage anytime soon until I'm financially stable and doing well in my career which I think is somewhere early thirties? In other hand she wish to get married as soon as possible and settle down.


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Basically

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2015, 05:49:24 pm »
You guys can still marry under the civil law, civil marriage i mean.
Its just that you guys won't be "blessed" by her family etc...
Parents will never win their kids. Even if you guys marry and u dun convert, with time, their family will still acknowledge you deh... thats how i feel...
Convert only when you believe in the religion. If suay suay one day, you guys decide to divorce, will you forsake the religion?
At the end of the day, it really depends on how heck care you guys are? My malay frens told me if you guys dun really care abt you not converting, others can't do anything to you guys.

I'm aware of civil marriage but her family is a devoted muslim. Which mean's if we're getting married, I must convert and Islamic marriage practices is a must.

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Basically

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2015, 05:50:29 pm »
Cannot liao....he will be hunted....  :-X :-X :-X :-X :-X

Mind elaborate more on this  :-X :-\

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nomnom

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2015, 05:51:35 pm »
We're both in our mid twenties and been together for nearly 3 years now. I actually never thought of marriage anytime soon until I'm financially stable and doing well in my career which I think is somewhere early thirties? In other hand she wish to get married as soon as possible and settle down.

Why put yourself in this kind of dilemma in the first place? If you oredi known that you wont convert, then you shld distance yourself from the "budding" relationship in the first place.
Anyways, have you talked to your gf? Whats her views of you not converting?

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Basically

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2015, 05:53:46 pm »
This is a good read. http://www.islamic-myths.com/islam/muslimas-are-allow-to-marry-non-muslims/

That wall of texts  :o I must say I don't fully understand the content of the article.

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nomnom

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Re: Need some advice on interracial relationships
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2015, 05:56:55 pm »
For me, coz i know i wont convert to any religion coz of love, no matter how nice that guy is, i will not date a christian, muslim, etc... i distance myself away from them. Being friend is ok, but not in a relationship...
Anyways, its a bit late in your situation now...