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Iridiot

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Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« on: October 27, 2015, 11:36:35 am »
https://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/love-singapore-really-money-160000529.html

originally from : http://blog.moneysmart.sg/opinion/is-love-in-singapore-really-all-about-the-money/

Joanne Poh
October 22, 2015

Recently, I found myself seated next to two Singaporean guys on a flight from Thailand to Singapore. They were having a very loud two hour-long conversation, and after trying in vain to read a book I’d brought I gave up trying to block out their voices.



Guy A was distraught about the fact that he was unable to upkeep his materialistic girlfriend. Despite the fact that she had quit her job and expected him to give her an allowance, he was determined to keep the relationship going. Guy B shook his head sadly and agreed that in Singapore, you need money to solve all your problems. He then helped his friend to think of a speech to rattle off to his girlfriend in order to placate her.

I’ll admit that this conversation made me lose a little bit more of my faith in Singapore society. Are relationships here nothing more than a pragmatic calculation of dollars and cents? Here are some reasons why it often seems that way.

 

Goal-oriented society
Singaporeans are relentlessly goal-oriented. Few people these days do anything without first asking what’s in it for them. Blame it on a cut-throat education system where students only take subjects they know they can score in, or the exhausting rat race people constantly run so they can afford their Chanels and Audis, and it’s easy to see why there’s simply no time to sit back and enjoy things for what they are.

The same thing happens in many relationships here. Guy B cheerfully informed Guy A that his wife had charted out a plan for them early in the relationship—ballot for a flat, get married by 28 and have the first kid by 30. Her next goal was to become a housewife by 40.

Our goal-driven mentalities leave little room for the flexibility to simply experience or feel out a relationship. Instead, people constantly ask themselves what goals they can achieve with a potential relationship. I’ve had friends who were grilled about their desire for childrearing on a first date. If you’re already going to have a list of boxes to tick, why not just stipulate a minimum salary for your future spouse, and throw in a car and condo to go with it?

 

People are desperate to move out of their parents’ homes
There are few developed countries in the world where one’s living situation is so closely tied to when and whom they marry. Thanks to the rule that only singles aged 35 and above are allowed to purchase HDB property and the astronomical prices of private property and rent here, many couples see marriage as the only way to move out of their parents’ homes.

In addition, couples who have already downpaid or collected the keys to their property are given 6 months to tie the knot or face a big monetary loss if they decide to bow out of the relationship. I have several friends who broke up and lost their deposits. Many others decide to go ahead with the marriage because they’ve already invested so much in it financially, even if they are no longer emotionally invested in their partners.

 

Traditional gender roles
Despite the fact that Singapore’s female workforce participation is very high, and there isn’t a terribly huge discrepancy in wages, we are still by and large a very conservative society.

Long working hours and a work culture that is generally family unfriendly makes it increasingly difficult for women to get ahead in their careers and look after the family at the same time. It doesn’t help that men are still not pulling their weight in the child-rearing and housekeeping department.

Conversely, many women still believe that the man should be earning more than them, and many men reciprocate by being overly defensive when their earning power is challenged or when faced with women who earn more than them. Of course not everybody is like that, but it’s not an uncommon phenomenon.

With outmoded values like the above, it’s no wonder women continue to look to men as being the providers.

 

No social safety net
While we’re not as bad as Hong Kong (yet), there’s no denying that it’s tough surviving in Singapore if you don’t make much money. With a weak social safety net, those unlucky enough to fall through the cracks find themselves struggling to feed themselves and pay their medical bills in old age.

This weak social safety net incentivises people to marrying for money. It’s easy for people in Scandinavian countries to marry for love when they know all their needs will be taken care of in future.

We might not be a third world country where women are left with no choice but to see marriage as a ticket out of starvation. But thanks to the feelings of fear and insecurity society here breeds, we might as well be.
wow        Much Cake        such delishus        much amaze      bes frend          such frendship

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beaverjuice

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2015, 12:36:03 pm »
I think the 2 fellas enjoy too much in Bangkok liao, that's why regret coming back to reality in Singapore bah ? ??? ??? ???
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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ladyvera

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2015, 01:22:37 pm »
I would argue that Life in Singapore is all about money. Love is just a subset of Life.

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beaverjuice

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2015, 01:29:32 pm »
I would argue that Life in Singapore is all about money. Love is just a subset of Life.
it needn't always be so - learning to live with your needs and wants.  easier said than done but I've learnt and am still learning to live with less.

instead of starbucks or coffeebean, it's now mostly ya-kun or toastbox.
instead of pay/subscription tv,  it's now bittorrent.

Love is the best thing in Life and it is free .....
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."


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Iridiot

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2015, 02:17:10 pm »
I would argue that Life in Singapore is all about money. Love is just a subset of Life.

That's true, we don't grow our food nor could we pitch a tent on street to call it home. Everything , even clean air nowadays , needs to be purchased . Being a part of life, love is no exception.
That's one perspective .

The other side would probably be if you were an high networth individual , would the lack of finances of the opposite gender dissuade you ?


it needn't always be so - learning to live with your needs and wants.  easier said than done but I've learnt and am still learning to live with less.

instead of starbucks or coffeebean, it's now mostly ya-kun or toastbox.
instead of pay/subscription tv,  it's now bittorrent.

Love is the best thing in Life and it is free .....

Living within your means is certainly a way of life.
How much is too little ?
Is it future proof?
E.g. Right now , as a single person , you might only need to spend on food , transport, accommodation , some entertainment and tax. As you have more children in the future , will the same income be able to provide for a family ? Even if in your opinion you're able to do so, is your expected standard of living similar to that of your partner ? Will your partner settle for a trip to Boracay instead of a trip to Venice ?
wow        Much Cake        such delishus        much amaze      bes frend          such frendship

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Piglet

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2015, 02:20:01 pm »
that y one had to be content with what he or she had. Content is happiness. you wan this wan tat if you are not capable to reach these goal of cos u will be unhappy

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Iridiot

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2015, 02:25:05 pm »
that y one had to be content with what he or she had. Content is happiness. you wan this wan tat if you are not capable to reach these goal of cos u will be unhappy

On the flip side , if you want something , worked hard and smart to achieve it and eventually got it , wouldn't that be far more satisfying than settling for mediocrity ?

* not trying to argue or conform. Merely trying to chat about this topic so please don't feel offended *
wow        Much Cake        such delishus        much amaze      bes frend          such frendship

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Piglet

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2015, 02:31:05 pm »
On the flip side , if you want something , worked hard and smart to achieve it and eventually got it , wouldn't that be far more satisfying than settling for mediocrity ?

* not trying to argue or conform. Merely trying to chat about this topic so please don't feel offended *

it depend on how you think lei. if you alrdy get the thing u wan alrdy. but keep asking for more. wouldn you always be chasing aft something that you are nvr satisfied with.  isn't that torturing yourself

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little hippo

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2015, 02:35:59 pm »
err.. just by living is already about money... no money where to get food??
even i'm willing to plant some veg to eat, i also need land...

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Piglet

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2015, 02:38:36 pm »
err.. just by living is already about money... no money where to get food??
even i'm willing to plant some veg to eat, i also need land...

we can live on air. ha....

yes, we need $$ for living but not everyone feel $$ equal to Love

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beaverjuice

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2015, 02:42:45 pm »
The other side would probably be if you were an high networth individual , would the lack of finances of the opposite gender dissuade you ?
if I were HNW,  the lack of finances of the opposite gender will never dissuade me ....  I think .... :P
yummy yummy .....

Quote

Living within your means is certainly a way of life.
How much is too little ?
Is it future proof?
E.g. Right now , as a single person , you might only need to spend on food , transport, accommodation , some entertainment and tax. As you have more children in the future , will the same income be able to provide for a family ? Even if in your opinion you're able to do so, is your expected standard of living similar to that of your partner ? Will your partner settle for a trip to Boracay instead of a trip to Venice ?

Living within means and managing expectations bah if finances were tight between couples.

the trouble is that most couples compromise instead of accepting each other.

compromising comes back to bite one in the ass somehow, somewhere
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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little hippo

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2015, 02:44:09 pm »
we can live on air. ha....

yes, we need $$ for living but not everyone feel $$ equal to Love

but to think even farther, love really need money... now prenatal visits to gynae also need to sign package liao lei.. each package costs more than 1K and is just visits nia.. medicine, test, delivery onwards is excluded #truestory

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Piglet

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2015, 02:48:15 pm »
but to think even farther, love really need money... now prenatal visits to gynae also need to sign package liao lei.. each package costs more than 1K and is just visits nia.. medicine, test, delivery onwards is excluded #truestory

as long as you earn enough and try to spend within your own financial mean should be ok la. all these need $$. like I say u got a lot of $$ but ur character is cmi, decent non gold digger kind of girl will like meh?

We need $$ to survive but it is not the most impt factor.

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nomnom

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2015, 10:28:49 am »
From the article, guy A is asking for it loh.

I am sure that there are other nice girls around who are not materialistic deh...

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Maserati4

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Re: Is Love in Singapore Really All About the Money?
« Reply #14 on: November 03, 2015, 01:43:27 am »
Well, in SG if the guy cant pay for the dates, its unlikely they'll see the girl again.
On the other hand, if the girl doesnt even want to pay and go on dates not even bringing her wallet and cards out, its unlikely they'll see the guy again either.

I feel that in SG, both genders are afraid to be taken advantage of by the other party. We are all getting rather calculative. We even place importance and value in the price of gifts now. Eg, if he loves me a lot, he'll buy me something more expensive. Its not merely "the thought that counts" anymore.