*

Oceanlovegal

  • *
  • Fresh Petal
  • 1 0
    • View Profile
Divorce with a guy with Aspergers...
« on: January 06, 2018, 09:34:15 am »
Hi ladies... I am just wondering if anyone is in the same situation as me. I have a 2 yr old girl. My relationship w my hubby has always been a dull one because all these while, I am the one who initiates everything and plans all - from marriage proposal to buying a flat etc. The last few years I find myself doing 'weird' stuff like escaping from reality thru solo trips(i am someone who loves companionship).. learning new skills on my own..
Etc.

My hubby doesnt talk much and when he does.. it is always abt that 2 particular topic - Soccer and soccer boots.

We have no topics to talk abt.. even when I initiate topics.. he doesnt know how to carry it on.

I suspect he is aspergers and we did some testing and indeed he is. That explains why he has no friends and his social skills is affecting his work too.

I am tired. We have been married for 16 years and I really want to be out of it and lead a new life. I feel sad at the thought of not having a companion whom I can spend quality time with when I am old... he is also aware that we cannot communicate..

I am a very feeling person. He totally isnt. There were nights when I wld cry and feel so lonely.. he wld just stare at me.. not knowin what to do.

I told him I wanted a divorce.. he says I can have the child... no words abt holding me back but he did try much to improve himself by talking to me... being less angry when we miscommunicate but it only lasts for a few days b4 he is back to his normal self.

My question here is:
1) he is a nice guy. Doesnt cheat.. doesnt lie.. loves my girl etc. So am I the unreasonable one wanting to fight for my happiness and get a divorce? I tot do it earlier because my girl is 2yr old and less traumatising...

2) Divorce - how to go abt it for such 'peaceful' cases?

3) How do I tell the pple around me that We are getting a divorce...? I dont wan to appear like the bad guy...



*

Lee McKing

  • ***
  • Petal
  • 293 6
  • Yes, I am a hypnotist https://ask.fm/leemcking
    • View Profile
Re: Divorce with a guy with Aspergers...
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2018, 12:22:43 am »
Hi ladies... I am just wondering if anyone is in the same situation as me. I have a 2 yr old girl. My relationship w my hubby has always been a dull one because all these while, I am the one who initiates everything and plans all - from marriage proposal to buying a flat etc. The last few years I find myself doing 'weird' stuff like escaping from reality thru solo trips(i am someone who loves companionship).. learning new skills on my own..
Etc.

My hubby doesnt talk much and when he does.. it is always abt that 2 particular topic - Soccer and soccer boots.

We have no topics to talk abt.. even when I initiate topics.. he doesnt know how to carry it on.

I suspect he is aspergers and we did some testing and indeed he is. That explains why he has no friends and his social skills is affecting his work too.

I am tired. We have been married for 16 years and I really want to be out of it and lead a new life. I feel sad at the thought of not having a companion whom I can spend quality time with when I am old... he is also aware that we cannot communicate..

I am a very feeling person. He totally isnt. There were nights when I wld cry and feel so lonely.. he wld just stare at me.. not knowin what to do.

I told him I wanted a divorce.. he says I can have the child... no words abt holding me back but he did try much to improve himself by talking to me... being less angry when we miscommunicate but it only lasts for a few days b4 he is back to his normal self.

My question here is:
1) he is a nice guy. Doesnt cheat.. doesnt lie.. loves my girl etc. So am I the unreasonable one wanting to fight for my happiness and get a divorce? I tot do it earlier because my girl is 2yr old and less traumatising...

2) Divorce - how to go abt it for such 'peaceful' cases?

3) How do I tell the pple around me that We are getting a divorce...? I dont wan to appear like the bad guy...


hey there, I know this isn't easy for you... I can feel your sadness through your sharing..

i find this at the same time interesting because i am a hypnotist and i have 2 enquiries from 2 families asking if hypnosis can "cure" their child's autism

I honestly do not know and i have yet to meet them to chat and see how it goes

yet i feel its possible because i have used hypnosis to "cure" dyslexia. and we are talking can read, can write for a 9 year old with dyslexia

my question will be, if there is a chance to save this marriage and family (with none of the social stuff), would you both be interested to chat?

*

Justme

  • *
  • Fresh Petal
  • 2 0
    • View Profile
Re: Divorce with a guy with Aspergers...
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2018, 06:44:53 am »
Hi ladies... I am just wondering if anyone is in the same situation as me. I have a 2 yr old girl. My relationship w my hubby has always been a dull one because all these while, I am the one who initiates everything and plans all - from marriage proposal to buying a flat etc. The last few years I find myself doing 'weird' stuff like escaping from reality thru solo trips(i am someone who loves companionship).. learning new skills on my own..
Etc.

My hubby doesnt talk much and when he does.. it is always abt that 2 particular topic - Soccer and soccer boots.

We have no topics to talk abt.. even when I initiate topics.. he doesnt know how to carry it on.

I suspect he is aspergers and we did some testing and indeed he is. That explains why he has no friends and his social skills is affecting his work too.

I am tired. We have been married for 16 years and I really want to be out of it and lead a new life. I feel sad at the thought of not having a companion whom I can spend quality time with when I am old... he is also aware that we cannot communicate..

I am a very feeling person. He totally isnt. There were nights when I wld cry and feel so lonely.. he wld just stare at me.. not knowin what to do.

I told him I wanted a divorce.. he says I can have the child... no words abt holding me back but he did try much to improve himself by talking to me... being less angry when we miscommunicate but it only lasts for a few days b4 he is back to his normal self.

My question here is:
1) he is a nice guy. Doesnt cheat.. doesnt lie.. loves my girl etc. So am I the unreasonable one wanting to fight for my happiness and get a divorce? I tot do it earlier because my girl is 2yr old and less traumatising...

2) Divorce - how to go abt it for such 'peaceful' cases?

3) How do I tell the pple around me that We are getting a divorce...? I dont wan to appear like the bad guy...

New to this forum and chanced upon this topic. Hope I’m not too late. I’m in a marriage with a Asperger (aspie for short) for 10 years, a tough one I must say :)

I reckon it is normal to want out because u are not “loved” in ways u wanted to be. Communication is key in all relationships more so in a normal (neurotypical or NT for short) and aspie combination. Aspie is unfortunately the minority in this society and there is a lot of unspoken societal expectations they are unconscious with and hence unable to adhere to.

Perhaps u can recall why u are attracted to him in the first place and why u choose this union of marriage? Are you willing to guide him a little on the way you want to be loved? There are a few good resources on aspie and nt marriage - online and books - you both can read gaining perspective into each other world.

Trust me I have been in your shoes considering the big D and end of the day I ask myself do I love him no matter he is a nt or a aspie is what matters. Of course if your happiness is compromised, wanting out may be a lesser damage as an immediate remedy. As of how other perceive u, this is something we cannot control, but we can control our own happiness. Cheers