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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #195 on: March 23, 2018, 03:18:51 pm »
i think being the other woman is really quite common in singapore.
no one wants to be the mistress, to be the third party, to be the one that breaks the marriage.

most people will sympathise the wife. sympathise the children, the kids.

being the mistress, or rather, the other woman, is not something woman choose.
its emotionally painful.

Hmm might nt necessarily be emotionally painful if they belong to the type who is pretty and yet somehow doesn't wanna work. I guess it's a trade-off.
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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #196 on: March 23, 2018, 05:39:17 pm »
i think being the other woman is really quite common in singapore.
no one wants to be the mistress, to be the third party, to be the one that breaks the marriage.

most people will sympathise the wife. sympathise the children, the kids.

being the mistress, or rather, the other woman, is not something woman choose.
its emotionally painful.

And usually people,  especially women will blame xiao-san and not the man who strayed.

Women are their own worst enemies ....
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #197 on: March 23, 2018, 06:09:07 pm »
I wonder got any xiaosan collab w the wife to punish the hubby.  :P
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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #198 on: March 23, 2018, 10:32:07 pm »
I wonder got any xiaosan collab w the wife to punish the hubby.  :P

You mean as in ménage à trois type of scenario? Tie up hubby and use whips and drip hot candle wax on him izzzziiiiiit? ???

I only know my fren got play mahjong together wife and xiao-san ... my other fren always kenna roped in reluctantly as 4th .....
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."


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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #199 on: March 23, 2018, 10:37:14 pm »
You mean as in ménage à trois type of scenario? Tie up hubby and use whips and drip hot candle wax on him izzzziiiiiit? ???

I only know my fren got play mahjong together wife and xiao-san ... my other fren always kenna roped in reluctantly as 4th .....

U = 4th friend :P
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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #200 on: March 23, 2018, 10:47:08 pm »
U = 4th friend :P

I am mahjong table  :-\
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #201 on: April 16, 2018, 11:59:07 am »
i think being the other woman is really quite common in singapore.
no one wants to be the mistress, to be the third party, to be the one that breaks the marriage.

most people will sympathise the wife. sympathise the children, the kids.

being the mistress, or rather, the other woman, is not something woman choose.
its emotionally painful.

A few times I asked my ex directly what she thought about the wife and kids of that married guy. Ask if the guy's kid was cute? I asked if she will like it if one day she found her own brother or father have an affair . I also asked her why that guy can have two women but I cannot ? What if next time we get married and she get pregnant, can I go and have affair too? Why her brother cannot have two women? Why her father cannot have two women?
My GF got angry and just sulked for the whole day, sobbing and refused to talk to me.


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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #202 on: April 16, 2018, 01:27:58 pm »
And usually people,  especially women will blame xiao-san and not the man who strayed.

Women are their own worst enemies ....

Economic reasons and Asian society. The 原配needs the economic support of the Hubby so she will try to cling on to the Hubby and get as much money . Society treats divorced women much worse than divorced men. That's the hard truth of Asian society. If hubby run away to be with xiaosan, the original wife will be stuck with a child. Alimony enforcement etc will be a problem later on if the hubby cheater decide to be deadbeat dad.

All these things I tried to explain to my ex gf at the time. I wanted her to express to me whether she TRULY knew what kind of pain she was inflicting on the wife and child . I asked her whether it was fair that she can just cut off ties with the married man and wash her hands of the whole matter, then have a relationship from clean slate, but the married man and his wife and his kid  have to deal with a broken marriage.
But when I did that, she just clammed up and sulked. Refused to look at me even. She cried and cried after that.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 01:55:46 pm by thingmagic »

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #203 on: April 16, 2018, 04:52:04 pm »
huh .... I thought you already moved on? ??? you still with her meh? ???

anyway for what it is worth,  if you want to understand her better by knowing her past by repeatedly questioning her motive and her logic, you'll not get anywhere by beating a dead-horse.  what is important is to focus on what lies ahead ....

as I have said before,  focus on what you are in control of.  not on the past.  you'll never get to your destination driving through the rear-view mirror.
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #204 on: April 16, 2018, 07:10:38 pm »
For most people, the best form of education is actually instant karma.
Although not really good for you to do it in this context.

Instant karma is like someone does it to you without regards for your feelings, you do it back to them in another scenario. This makes them feel the exact same suffering u went through and rethink their choices. This makes them reflect and feel that they themselves are not as good as they perceive themselves to be. And also even if they still don't feel guilty, they are gonna think if I keep doing this to others I might get the same back as well.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2018, 07:12:52 pm by happyshar »
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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #205 on: April 16, 2018, 07:20:35 pm »
And usually people,  especially women will blame xiao-san and not the man who strayed.

Women are their own worst enemies ....

Not all woman ba... The one above u mentioned is those watch too much Korean dramas...

Given a scenario without kids... I believe logical women will either ask for the below:
1.) To let hubby continue being with the mistress, and file for a divorce (if he hopeless case and not worth to keep)
2.) To let hubby break ties with the mistress and any other women completely, and reconcile relationships with the wife  (if he hopeful case and is a gem to keep)
3.) To remain with hubby and negotiate for open relationship (if he hopeless case but is still somewhat a gem to keep)
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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #206 on: April 16, 2018, 10:04:15 pm »
huh .... I thought you already moved on? ??? you still with her meh? ???

anyway for what it is worth,  if you want to understand her better by knowing her past by repeatedly questioning her motive and her logic, you'll not get anywhere by beating a dead-horse.  what is important is to focus on what lies ahead ....

as I have said before,  focus on what you are in control of.  not on the past.  you'll never get to your destination driving through the rear-view mirror.
Not with her anymore. Don't feel like being with her anymore, but at the same time I still have a lot of residual anger. Recently I realized that prt of the reason I am so angry is that she had been emotionally cheating on me even though she broke of with married man to be with me. Also she told him a lot more stuff than she told me. Eg. married man said in his letter that she had 5 physical relationships with men before married man, that means six men before me. But when I asked her once, she said she only had three. I asked her a few times are you sure? are you sure. she keep saying three. Then I brought out the letter and said, what about the french guy ? what about this guy, and that guy? Then she start crying and said 'That piece of ShT, why he go and tell you'. I was so angry I yell at her 'WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME BUT YOU CAN TELL THE MARRIED MAN? YOU TRUST ME LESS THAN MARRIED MAN IS IT? YOU WANT TO GET AWAY WITH LYING AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TO ME, RIGHT? WITH ME YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO BE OPEN WITH ME, BUT WHEN YOU ARE WITH MARRIED MAN, SIMI ANYTHING ALSO CAN TELL HIM. THEN AFTER THAT SEND NAKED PHOTO TO HIM SOME MORE. I ASK YOU FOR ONE STUPID SEXY PHOTO YOU ONLY SENT ME ONCE. YOU GO SEND HIM PICTURE OF NAKED BUTT AND BOOBS EVERY DAY BUT YOU NEVER SEND ME ANYTHING.'

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #207 on: April 16, 2018, 10:56:14 pm »
Woah bro' .... have to let go already .... don't blow an "O-ring" for someone you feel is less deserving .... gambatte!
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #208 on: April 16, 2018, 11:05:59 pm »
Not all woman ba... The one above u mentioned is those watch too much Korean dramas...

Given a scenario without kids... I believe logical women will either ask for the below:
1.) To let hubby continue being with the mistress, and file for a divorce (if he hopeless case and not worth to keep)
2.) To let hubby break ties with the mistress and any other women completely, and reconcile relationships with the wife  (if he hopeful case and is a gem to keep)
3.) To remain with hubby and negotiate for open relationship (if he hopeless case but is still somewhat a gem to keep)

 (3) means hubby still a keeper despite his predilections? ??? .... ermmm how is that possible? Scenarios? ???
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #209 on: April 16, 2018, 11:49:27 pm »
(3) means hubby still a keeper despite his predilections? ??? .... ermmm how is that possible? Scenarios? ???

Eh what if the hubby is a soul mate who can communicate to the highest level with you but at the moment no one else can den isn't he a gem, a soulmate or a best friend with only one disadvantage of polygamy. He can make u happy den no nd to own him,neither does he own u. Unless he's a total s or has not much value to keep then option 1 can be applied

Nowadays people are really mostly level 1 cavemen all about cars, branded goods, s*x, b*bs, ars*... say if one manages to find another endangered species who can communicate spiritually n form a deep connection. Is it better to be with such endangered species given they are polygamous than to be bored to tears with a monogamous caveman?

Well of coz the best scenario is always a monogamous endangered species. If the monogamous endangered species happen to turn polygamous what's the probability of finding another monogamous endangered species
« Last Edit: April 17, 2018, 12:17:43 am by happyshar »
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