I drafted this. Gonna send it out to her in 10 days if I keep getting silent treatment.
Dear J
Things have been rocky and stressful, yes. Now after some time out , I hope both of us have had a breather and managed to look at our relationship with a clearer perspective.
I know I have been boorish, weird and moody at times since receiving that bombshell of a letter, causing you much much distress. I was so in love with you and still am. Early on after receiving the letter and those pictures from that guy , I was so cocksure that I would be the better man and the one to help you redeem herself and build a positive, lasting loving relationship. However, try as i might to resist it…. I started acting weird after a short while, unable to suppress my inner insecurities and jealous pangs at times. I am ashamed and there is no excusing my behaviour. I have lashed out in jealousy and acted out my insecurities… I have made shitty, unkind comments and displayed inexcusable behaviour. At night, my sleep was interrupted by irrational fear and jealousy for a while. Although you has been forgiving thus far despite being treated so badly by me, I realize this is not good. I have tried so hard, so hard to be a sweet, loving boyfriend and I only want to be ever sweet and loving to you… so I realized I must deal with my emotion and insecurity issues head on. And so I have tried to talk out my problems and resolve my sleep issues with a professional counsellor. You may find it odd, and I kind of regret telling you I had been to see one. With the counsellor’s advice, mediation tips, thought exercises etc I have improved myself and become calmer over the last two weeks and gotten rid of the negative, inexcusable emotions on my part. I should have done this earlier, before I really began to act out.
1.Now , I do miss you a lot every day, all the fun times we had at the movies, cycling, the conversations about music, shopping together, cooking together, being with your relatives, talking about food etc. I miss all the times I kissed you and hugged you close, and the way you touched my face and ears. I miss your laugh and your smiles. The way I massage your feet. The way we made love. We had something special, I can feel it. I think we still have something special. I don’t want all this negativeness to spoil it. I wish to patch things up and continue the relationship on a better note . I am confident you will get the better version of me after two weeks of self-improvement … I will wholeheartedly give you all the parts of me that made you want to be with me.. I hope you can forgive my past mistakes and take me back, please and make me the happiest man in the world again.
If you want a longer timeout least let me know whether you would be willing to meet me and my family for CNY. So I can prepare them for the news.
2. However, if you think that the relationship has already been irreparably harmed ,let me know clearly. I will be crushed and very sad, but I will take it like a man. I won’t cling. I won’t grovel. I did wrong because I couldn’t withstand the mental stress of that letter and got emotional and acted weird. I lost control and squandered this chance to be with a beautiful, loving girl with a great personality who adored me with all her heart…. All this heartache due to my inability to rein in my negative emotions then . I regret it and I accept full responsibility for the consequences of that. Give me a ‘quick death’ rather than leaving me in the limbo of silent treatment and indefinite time-out. If you don’t want to be with me any longer, let me know on no uncertain terms quickly and without any sugar-coating. It will cause great pain to both of us, but we should get over it. A quick death is better than prolonged suffering. Do this so that I may grieve for a while and then get on with my life ASAP.
Thingmagic