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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #135 on: January 12, 2018, 12:23:29 pm »
So what are the rules of a timeout? She never agreed to be contacted after 2 wks.. Just said 'I want timeout, I'm stressed, I'm sick . I would rather be single'

Looks like it's over , no? I will contact after 1 wk to find out for sure.
don't believe there is ever a protocol or guidebook on this.  otherwise we wouldn't have relationship problems the world over. 

but if you are asking my humble opinion,
if you contact her first then the balance of power will tilt surely towards her.

in any case,  it is good to let her clear her mind.  let her figure out what she wants.

I also hope that your last conversation with her before calling for a time-out went something like this:
-  hey baby,  I know you're having a tough time with my insecurities
-  i'm sure you are also struggling as to whether to continue this relationship so let's take a time-out to assess and clear our thoughts
-  know that I will always be there for you so reach out if you need any comforting moments,  i'm still a friend. you know that right?

always leave the door open but don't come across as desperate. play cool.
women are very fan jian one - flowerpodders taught me this well,  so there's much to be said about learning from women on how to win her heart.  gambatte !
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 12:25:27 pm by beaverjuice »
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #136 on: January 12, 2018, 12:55:08 pm »
don't believe there is ever a protocol or guidebook on this.  otherwise we wouldn't have relationship problems the world over. 

but if you are asking my humble opinion,
if you contact her first then the balance of power will tilt surely towards her.

in any case,  it is good to let her clear her mind.  let her figure out what she wants.

I also hope that your last conversation with her before calling for a time-out went something like this:
-  hey baby,  I know you're having a tough time with my insecurities
-  i'm sure you are also struggling as to whether to continue this relationship so let's take a time-out to assess and clear our thoughts
-  know that I will always be there for you so reach out if you need any comforting moments,  i'm still a friend. you know that right?

always leave the door open but don't come across as desperate. play cool.
women are very fan jian one - flowerpodders taught me this well,  so there's much to be said about learning from women on how to win her heart.  gambatte !

no la. last conversation with her was
Me: I saw a counsellor because I have insecurity issues that I need to deal with, so I can be a better man for you.
Her: I HATE those emotional, mooody awkward moments with you, which is v often. I'm sick, stressed at work and now I have to deal with this. I want time out.  Let me be. i wld rather be single. N don't come to my condo unannounced!
Her: I don't blame you for seeing a counsellor though I find it odd
Her: I switched off my hp bcos I wanted peace, and work is busy.
Me: If you want a time out that is totally understandable. I contact you in a couple of weeks or so to see how you are doing, ok?
Her: Let me be.

So she didn't say whether she agree to be contacted. Looks like it's over. I think I call her next week and demand a definitive resolution. What do you guys think?

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #137 on: January 12, 2018, 01:29:00 pm »
no la. last conversation with her was
Me: I saw a counsellor because I have insecurity issues that I need to deal with, so I can be a better man for you.
Her: I HATE those emotional, mooody awkward moments with you, which is v often. I'm sick, stressed at work and now I have to deal with this. I want time out.  Let me be. i wld rather be single. N don't come to my condo unannounced!
Her: I don't blame you for seeing a counsellor though I find it odd
Her: I switched off my hp bcos I wanted peace, and work is busy.
Me: If you want a time out that is totally understandable. I contact you in a couple of weeks or so to see how you are doing, ok?
Her: Let me be.

So she didn't say whether she agree to be contacted. Looks like it's over. I think I call her next week and demand a definitive resolution. What do you guys think?

wow .... that sounds like a major development. 

I don't necessarily agree with the display of "weakness" on your part.
like this part of her (her sexy photos with the ex-bf) is such a biggie that you cannot overcome and need to see a shrink/counsellor, even if it were the case.

but hey, it is what it is.

send her some flowers at her apartment - technically you are not seeing her.  get the delivery service and pick a nice card to go along with it.

and please write something nice - no whingey stuff like you are suffering and sad though.  the card should be heartfelt words about her.  even if you don't win her back,  good to keep the back-channels open for future use .... if you catch my drift .... gambatte !
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #138 on: January 12, 2018, 06:39:13 pm »
Sounds like she want out.
If I were u I wouldn't contact / stress her until 2 to 3 weeks later but will inform her.

Doesn't seem like there's a power of demand though.

The last time I had a time out it was 1 month I can't really rmb but he contacted me saying he was sorry and regretful and Will make a change and told Me to take my time to.cool down and contact him when I'm ready.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 06:43:36 pm by happyshar »
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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #139 on: January 12, 2018, 06:48:56 pm »
Sounds like she want out.
If I were u I wouldn't contact / stress her until 2 to 3 weeks later but will inform her.

Doesn't seem like there's a power of demand though.

The last time I had a time out it was 1 month I can't really rmb but he contacted me saying he was sorry and regretful and Will make a change and told Me to take my time to.cool down and contact him when I'm ready.

OOT but what happened after 1 month? ???
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #140 on: January 12, 2018, 06:58:39 pm »
OOT but what happened after 1 month? ???

He proposed a few solutions which can work and told me he disregarded my feelings previously n promise won't do it again. I didn't believe so he did some art and drew and wrote a letter of promise on paper and signed on it. And ask Me to keep it somewhere I won't lose it. We also custom made a chop of approval where we used until I eventually forgot abt the matter lol.

During the 1 month he did contacted me but didn't rush me. Every few days he will paste me some picture/memories of the past.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 07:11:25 pm by happyshar »
What Do you call, a person with sympathy but zero empathy?

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #141 on: January 12, 2018, 07:23:59 pm »
He proposed a few solutions which can work and told me he disregarded my feelings previously n promise won't do it again. I didn't believe so he did some art and drew and wrote a letter of promise on paper and signed on it. And ask Me to keep it somewhere I won't lose it. We also custom made a chop of approval where we used until I eventually forgot abt the matter lol.

During the 1 month he did contacted me but didn't rush me. Every few days he will paste me some picture/memories of the past.

Woahhhh ...  got chop some more arrhhhh ... :P

So got sincerity .... 知错能改 ...izziiiiiiit?
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #142 on: January 12, 2018, 07:37:11 pm »
He proposed a few solutions which can work and told me he disregarded my feelings previously n promise won't do it again. I didn't believe so he did some art and drew and wrote a letter of promise on paper and signed on it. And ask Me to keep it somewhere I won't lose it. We also custom made a chop of approval where we used until I eventually forgot abt the matter lol.

During the 1 month he did contacted me but didn't rush me. Every few days he will paste me some picture/memories of the past.

Soooo what happen after 1 month? Were u intending to break up w him all along or were you genuinely wanting a time out?
« Last Edit: January 12, 2018, 07:40:03 pm by thingmagic »

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #143 on: January 12, 2018, 08:53:54 pm »
Soooo what happen after 1 month? Were u intending to break up w him all along or were you genuinely wanting a time out?

Actually is feel like break up but say time out because if break up need some time to adapt n gradually not tgt anymore. N oso not sure whether is on a moment of impulse so say "time out" lo.
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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #144 on: January 12, 2018, 08:56:19 pm »
Woahhhh ...  got chop some more arrhhhh ... :P

So got sincerity .... 知错能改 ...izziiiiiiit?

Lol the chop no longer in use
What Do you call, a person with sympathy but zero empathy?

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #145 on: January 12, 2018, 09:06:34 pm »
Actually is feel like break up but say time out because if break up need some time to adapt n gradually not tgt anymore. N oso not sure whether is on a moment of impulse so say "time out" lo.

I feel need to break cleanly and honestly if that is the intention at the start. Otherwise will be in a limbo....uncertain. At least with clean break, can grieve early and then move on.

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #146 on: January 12, 2018, 09:15:18 pm »
I feel need to break cleanly and honestly if that is the intention at the start. Otherwise will be in a limbo....uncertain. At least with clean break, can grieve early and then move on.

Break cleanly liao means no door open liao.
Go ask her lo, den after that can jio other officially.
What Do you call, a person with sympathy but zero empathy?

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #147 on: January 12, 2018, 10:10:29 pm »
Break cleanly liao means no door open liao.
Go ask her lo, den after that can jio other officially.

Must leave abit of ambiguity so can be comfort-man ....  ;)
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #148 on: January 12, 2018, 10:53:59 pm »
Must leave abit of ambiguity so can be comfort-man ....  ;)

Hurhurhur ;D like promotion status, less time more payout.
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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #149 on: January 12, 2018, 11:46:41 pm »
Lol the chop no longer in use

Need to occasionally "revive" the chop larrr dei .... once sign at ROM, the chop will be invalidated if not used often for reinforcement .....

The shop making the chop got cheo-kar-peng or not? ???
What does it say?
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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