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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #120 on: January 08, 2018, 02:40:58 pm »
Question is ... how? Is there some thing I can do? Thought exercise? CBT? Meditation?  I want to go for counselling alone, just to deal with this kinda crap. Thought about telling my gf that I'm going to counselling to help resolve this , but will she be more freaked out?

like what sharshar says - are you the sort of character - 大男子主义?  that might make it difficult to communicate your inner thoughts with her.  that would be preferred before trying any intervention like counselling etc etc

time for you to lay bare your soul to her bro' .... tell her what is eating you up inside ....

"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #121 on: January 08, 2018, 03:28:14 pm »
like what sharshar says - are you the sort of character - 大男子主义?  that might make it difficult to communicate your inner thoughts with her.  that would be preferred before trying any intervention like counselling etc etc

time for you to lay bare your soul to her bro' .... tell her what is eating you up inside ....

I had thought about that, but she not very communicative when I do that. She just clams up and looks away from me as a defense mechanism. I can see a tear rolling down her cheek when I do that. It is very shameful and stressful for her......

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #122 on: January 08, 2018, 03:38:28 pm »
I had thought about that, but she not very communicative when I do that. She just clams up and looks away from me as a defense mechanism. I can see a tear rolling down her cheek when I do that. It is very shameful and stressful for her......

the purpose and intent is very important .... obviously you know it hurts her ....

so the way you put it across may have come across as "s1ut-shaming" ....

but still communication is important ....

learn to fight a good fight if you must.

"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #123 on: January 08, 2018, 06:41:57 pm »
the purpose and intent is very important .... obviously you know it hurts her ....

so the way you put it across may have come across as "s1ut-shaming" ....

but still communication is important ....

learn to fight a good fight if you must.

OK Update. I told her about the relationship counsellor and she said she hated the times I acted emotional , said she really hated it and was stressed out  so she asked for a time out. I said I respect that and I will contact her again in 2 wks .
Big step forward, kind of regret it now, but I feel it had to be done, rather than let my emotional issues fester uncomfortabley.
« Last Edit: January 08, 2018, 08:32:10 pm by thingmagic »


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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #124 on: January 08, 2018, 09:33:54 pm »
OK Update. I told her about the relationship counsellor and she said she hated the times I acted emotional , said she really hated it and was stressed out  so she asked for a time out. I said I respect that and I will contact her again in 2 wks .
Big step forward, kind of regret it now, but I feel it had to be done, rather than let my emotional issues fester uncomfortabley.

Let's see who caves in first .... you must tahan okay!  ... don't give in ....stand firm ...for the brotherhood
« Last Edit: January 08, 2018, 10:33:28 pm by beaverjuice »
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #125 on: January 08, 2018, 10:59:13 pm »
like what sharshar says - are you the sort of character - 大男子主义?  that might make it difficult to communicate your inner thoughts with her.  that would be preferred before trying any intervention like counselling etc etc

time for you to lay bare your soul to her bro' .... tell her what is eating you up inside ....

No leh I didn't say he 大男人。just ask whether he hard to connect emotionally with others bcz he don't see the need to.
For more self-absorbed people rarely willing to connect or attach to others emotionally.
Being emotional only happens when there's a cost on oneself.
What Do you call, a person with sympathy but zero empathy?

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #126 on: January 08, 2018, 11:35:26 pm »
No leh I didn't say he 大男人。just ask whether he hard to connect emotionally with others bcz he don't see the need to.
For more self-absorbed people rarely willing to connect or attach to others emotionally.
Being emotional only happens when there's a cost on oneself.

Hmmmm .... detached personality? Asperger's? Hmmmm...
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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happyshar

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #127 on: January 08, 2018, 11:44:31 pm »
« Last Edit: January 08, 2018, 11:46:46 pm by happyshar »
What Do you call, a person with sympathy but zero empathy?

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Lee McKing

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #129 on: January 09, 2018, 09:38:31 am »
Narcissistic personality ba
https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

I suppose a little of that. The thing is , I never acted like this before. Not since I was 10 years old. That time I was a bit of a brat, with those narcissist traits.
But never since then, until now..... sheeeit.
Hopefully this timeout resolves issues, one way or another.

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Lee McKing

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #130 on: January 09, 2018, 11:55:42 am »
I suppose a little of that. The thing is , I never acted like this before. Not since I was 10 years old. That time I was a bit of a brat, with those narcissist traits.
But never since then, until now..... sheeeit.
Hopefully this timeout resolves issues, one way or another.

its just traits... you don't have this personality disorder

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #131 on: January 09, 2018, 01:16:49 pm »
I suppose a little of that. The thing is , I never acted like this before. Not since I was 10 years old. That time I was a bit of a brat, with those narcissist traits.
But never since then, until now..... sheeeit.
Hopefully this timeout resolves issues, one way or another.

yup .... I think the timeout will be good for both ..... maybe more clarity and less cloudy in thoughts.

may the force be with you ....
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #132 on: January 10, 2018, 08:21:31 am »
yup .... I think the timeout will be good for both ..... maybe more clarity and less cloudy in thoughts.

may the force be with you ....
Thanks. Now to occupy my mind with other projects. And look for blind dates.... just in case

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beaverjuice

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #133 on: January 10, 2018, 11:06:49 am »
Thanks. Now to occupy my mind with other projects. And look for blind dates.... just in case

yupz ..... as vanillaicecream used to say - "never make someone your priority if he/she doesn't consider you a priority"
"A man who has depths in his shame meets his destiny and his delicate decisions upon paths which few ever reach."

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thingmagic

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Re: Being the other woman
« Reply #134 on: January 12, 2018, 10:55:51 am »
yupz ..... as vanillaicecream used to say - "never make someone your priority if he/she doesn't consider you a priority"

So what are the rules of a timeout? She never agreed to be contacted after 2 wks.. Just said 'I want timeout, I'm stressed, I'm sick . I would rather be single'

Looks like it's over , no? I will contact after 1 wk to find out for sure.

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